What We've Missed

In our fortnight in Calcutta, I have been able to somewhat reacquaint myself with the news coming out of America. Apparently, some things have changed since Jenna and I were last Stateside.

For instance:

--Newt Gingrich is not only still alive but also thinking of running for President.

--The term ‘bi-winning’ has entered the lexicon thanks to Charlie Sheen.

--The San Antonio Spurs are again the best team in the NBA.

--Lawmakers are actually hiding from their constituencies and refusing to go to work.

--Rahm Emmanuel is mayor of Chicago.

--Jennifer Lopez cries more than Paula Abdul ever did.

--It is considered good news if the unemployment rate is 8.8 percent.

--If you put the letter ‘i’ in front of any word, it automatically becomes cooler. (Think of the word ‘pad’, for example.)

--Steve Carrell is really, truly, honestly not going to be on TV the coming fall season.

--A professor at Northwestern thought it reasonable to have his students watch a live sex act

(even though Monty Python already lampooned that forty years ago.)

--Mark Zuckerberg came up with the most brilliant idea of the dot-com era because he

really, really, really wanted to be cool.

--The most famous singer in the Western world wears raw meat as a fashion statement.

--James Franco was possibly the worst choice for Oscar presenter ever.

--The middle school I used to teach at in Houston, TX, is under threat of being closed.

--More women have joined the NRA than ever before despite the fact that a female member of Congress still lies in a hospital with brain injuries suffered during a shooting rampage.

--Michelle Rhee cannot be mentioned without either the words ‘controversial’ or ‘hard- nosed’ accompanying her name.

--Jenna Bush is a reporter for NBC.

--The Green Bay Packers are Super Bowl champions and Brett Favre may be remembered more for intemperate pictures he took on his cell phone than passing records he accomplished on the field.

--And finally, the prefix ‘wiki’ has become just as overused and annoying as the suffix ‘Gate’.

What has not changed since we left?

--People are still arguing over whether Barack Obama is an American citizen or not.

--And KU still kills MU in basketball.

Despite all that, I am truly and eagerly awaiting our trip home in five weeks.